


love isn't rapid heartbeats

by rories



Series: chroma aisthesis [3]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Domestic, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 08:21:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8971657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rories/pseuds/rories
Summary: "I didn't fall in love with you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way."ORFive Times Sif Tells Loki She Loves Him And One Time He Says It BackORLoki is terrible at feelings, but Sif loves him anyway.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ladylaufeyson1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladylaufeyson1/gifts).



> i do this to myself every year. i think i'm going to give myself so much time to write and finish, but then like two days before the due date i have NOTHING AND THEN I'M FRANTICALLY TRYING TO FINISH SOMETHING AND I GET STALLED AT 300 WORDS AND THEN ITS THE DAY OF AND I SUDDENLY HAVE THOUSANDS OF WORDS HAHA ALKDJLFKASD
> 
> a n y w a y, i hope you enjoy this. it was fun writing and a different way of writing for me. i don't think i've ever done a 5+1, so !!!
> 
> there is a short MATURE scene in part 5, but it's short and not all that explicit, which is why it's rated the way it is.

Five Ways Sif and Loki Say I Love You

**1\. On a sunny Tuesday afternoon, the late sunlight glowing in your hair**

Sif figures out she's in love on a Tuesday, in the middle of the deli that she and Loki have had lunch at at least once a week for going on three years. They’re seated near the window and the sun is shining, though she can see over the mountains, the gray clouds that promise snow over the next week. The sun is making Loki squint slightly, turning his face away from the window so the shadows make his angles sharper. She’s known she cares for the man for what feels like forever, but lately she's had a feeling that the way she feels for Loki has subtly changed. It isn't until the waitress sets down their plates and he immediately grabs the pickle slice that comes with the meal between his thumb and forefinger and slings it onto her plate, that she realizes something is different. 

"Why don't you just ask for no pickle?" she asks, moving said pickle more securely on to the plate.

"Because you like them," he answers without looking up and Sif feels a warm flutter underneath her breastbone. 

She stares at him as he takes a bite of his sandwich, a veggie one today and her fingers are still resting lightly on the pickle that he gave her. She feels her heartbeat quicken as she stares at him and watches him lick a dollop of pesto from the corner of his mouth. Her face flushes and she can’t take her gaze from him.

He finally notices that she still hasn’t touched her food and looks up, slowly chewing. “What?” he says, wiping his face with a napkin. “They get your order wrong?”

“I love you,” she says, but it’s right as he’s swallowing a mouthful of his sandwich, so he chokes, coughing harshly and grabbing a handful of napkins. She swears and hurries to his side, crouching next to him as she pats on his back. 

“Sorry!” she exclaims softly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to just blurt it out, but I just needed you to know. Right now.” 

Loki wipes his mouth and then takes a long drink from his glass of water. He’s kept his eyes averted the whole time and Sif starts to think that maybe she made a mistake. She stands slowly with the intention of heading back to her chair, but stops when she feels slender fingers, just a touch too cold, wrap around her wrist. She looks down at him in time to watch a smirk cross his features as he looks up at her from under his brows. He squeezes her wrist a little tighter before letting her go, smirk still planted firmly on his face. 

“You’re an asshole,” she mutters, finally taking her seat, but there’s a grin on her face that she’s in no mood to wipe off. 

“Yeah,” he replies. “Yours.” 

Sif feels that burst of warmth just behind her breastbone again, spreading out to make her fingers tingle. “Just remember who said it first.” 

 

**2\. With a hoarse voice, under the blankets**

It’s Christmastime, so Frigga demands that Loki and Sif both come and stay at their estate. It’s a good thing that Sif plans to leave a day early because a blizzard blows in on the night before Christmas Eve and strands everyone at the Odinson’s. 

Loki has been tense since Frigga’s phone call. He’s never been quite comfortable with family events, but Sif and Thor are best friends and he doesn’t mind being around Thor’s wife, Jane. And he does love Frigga, even if he relationship with his father is strained. 

So he does his best not to complain when they get snowed in with no end in sight of the flurries falling around the house. Sif knows that he’s uncomfortable. She watches him from across the room as she plays a round of Tafl with Thor, can see his jaw clench as Odin chats with Jane in front of the fire. She doesn’t know how to ease his discomfort in this setting with the whole family sitting around and talking, so she fakes a yawn and stretches her arms in the air before catching Loki’s eye. 

“You win, Thor,” she says and stands up to move toward Loki. 

“Another round?” Thor says, looking up at her and leaning back in his chair.

“I’m thinking we’re going to call it a night.” She grins slightly when Loki joins her at her side and slides an arm around her waist. “We all have an early morning tomorrow.” 

Frigga stands as well and agrees and before Sif knows it, they’re all on their separate ways to bed, but not before Frigga presses a kiss to everyone's cheeks. Sif tries to hide her smile at the light blush that falls across Loki’s cheekbones.

It doesn’t take them long to change and climb into bed. The snow is falling harder, but the heat is on and there’s a fireplace in their room. But still, Loki crawls into bed and wraps himself around Sif without hesitation. Sif knows how cold Loki gets, but she’s never quite prepared for it when his icy feet press against the backs of her calves. 

She flips herself over and presses chest to chest to him. He’s shirtless and his pajama pants are pushed dangerously low. She’s the opposite in a thin and threadbare tank top. But pressed up against him under a mound of blankets with the fire dying low on the other side of the room, Sif has never been warmer. 

His fingers wrap around her waist again and rest against her back. His forehead is pressed against hers and his warm breath, minty from their shared toothpaste, is fanning against her face. 

His breathing is slowing down as he finally relaxes against her and Sif’s brows furrow in concern. She hates that he's so uncomfortable around his family and vows to always be there to rescue him if he needs it. 

“Thank you,” he murmurs, his eyelids falling shut. Sif watches the spread of his dark eyelashes against his pale skin and marvels at his beauty. 

It's been two weeks since she told him she loves him in the deli. He hasn't said it back, but she doesn't need him to. She knows he loves her and he only confirms it when his fingers tighten against her back as he speaks. “Thank you,” he says again as his breath slows even more. 

“I love you,” she says back but her voice is croaky with disuse and he is already asleep. 

 

**3\. A whisper in the ear**

The next morning, Christmas Eve Day, the cooks serve a large breakfast and Frigga asks everyone to join them in the large dining room. Odin sits at the head of the table, so Loki plants himself in the seat furthest from him. Sif sits in the seat next to him, buffering him from his father like she knows he wants and squeezes his hand under the table. Frigga is at the other head and smiles warmly at her son before announcing that breakfast is served. 

It’s a veritable feast and soon everyone is digging in, helping themselves to waffles and fruit and eggs and yogurt. Sif eats almost as much as Thor does while Loki picks at his plate of fruit and eggs. He knows Sif won’t let him leave the table until she’s deemed he’s eaten enough, so he eats another spoonful of yogurt as everyone settles into their meals. 

Once everyone’s plates are full, the conversation starts up. Jane tries to explain her latest research, but the story devolves into something Darcy did in the lab that has everyone in hysterics. Even Loki gives a few hearty chuckles at the stories. 

After Jane, Thor starts in about his job, catching his father up to speed as to what is happening at the family company. Loki tries to tune it out, but he feels his father’s gaze on him. He knows that his father is disappointed that Loki did not want to join the company and it’s been a sore subject for years now. Sif can feel Loki tensing up again and winces when Odin’s booming voice crosses the table. 

“And what of you, Loki?” his father asks and it’s no coincidence that the only sound that is heard is silent chewing from all parties. “How is your...art?” He says the final word with hesitance and a hint of disdain and Sif immediately goes on the defensive. 

Loki doesn’t answer his father, just takes a sip from his glass of water and takes a slow, deep breath. Sif watches his jaw clench and his nostrils flair. Next to him, Frigga sighs and sets down her fork and knife. Thor and Jane are both keeping their eyes on their own plates. It’s some of the longest few seconds of Loki’s life. 

“Loki has a new gallery show in the new year,” Sif blurts out and keeps her gaze away Loki whose head has whipped in her direction. “He sold a lot of pieces this year. He’s got several commissions on the books.” She pauses as she maintains eye contact with Odin, ignores the awkward glances from everyone else. “I’m really proud of him,” she says and stares harder. “You should be too.”

There’s silence in the dining room after her final sentence and she hasn’t taken her eyes from Odin. Loki is watching Sif, staring at the side of her face as she has a staredown with his father. He wants to be surprised that she would stand up to him this way, but she’s always kind of taken care of him. The silence stretches on until final Frigga has had enough and sighs again. 

“We are, dear,” she says and turns to her husband. “Right?” 

Odin grunts before turning back to his food and there’s a collective sigh of relief. Jane breaks the silence and launches into another story about Darcy. Sif settles into her chair again and relaxes muscles she didn’t realize were tense. Loki still has not taken his eyes from her.

She finally notices his gaze and turns to him, face slowly reddening. She hadn’t meant to be so blunt and forceful with Odin. She genuinely likes the man, but dislikes how dismissive he’s been towards Loki’s chosen career path. Sif leans in when Loki does until their foreheads are touching, reminiscent to the night before. 

“Thanks,” he whispers and presses a kiss to her cheek, mindful of the audience around the table. 

“You’re welcome,” she replies and whispers into his ear, breath warming his lobe. “I love you,” she says and he knows. He’s known all along. 

 

**4\. In a blissful sigh as you fall asleep**

After their somewhat awkward breakfast, the rest of the day is spent decorating the Christmas tree, hanging stocking, and hanging lights on the awnings since the snow had slowed. Sif and Thor are voluntold to hang the lights with Frigga and Jane monitoring from the porch. Loki keeps an eye on Sif while also idly reading a novel. When Sif and Thor are done, the four of them step out further into the snow to admire their work. The snow is up to their ankles and Jane wraps her scarf further around her face before sticking her hand in Thor’s pocket. 

“Loki, come look,” Sif calls, her face flushed in the cold and her smile wide. Loki absolutely does not want to go out there, he’s cold enough on the porch. But Sif’s smile is infectious and he’d love nothing more than to wrap himself around her. 

So he sets down his book and trudges out into the snow, already shivering and sighs lightly when Sif’s gloved hand slips into his. “Looks nice,” he says, taking in the colored lights that wrap around the house. He’s sure it will look even better when the sun goes down, but it’s festive enough. 

Loki’s still staring at the house when the back of his head is hit with something extremely cold and extremely wet. He hears a soft feminine giggle and Jane calls a “Sorry!” over to him. He shivers again as the snow drips down his neck and he uses his free hand to wipe what he can. 

He’s not mad because it was clear Jane was aiming for Sif, but he is kind of annoyed. He catches Sif’s eye as he turns away but stops when he sees her face. She’s trying to hide her laughter, pinching her lips together to hide her grin.

“That’s funny to you?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. 

Sif’s grin gets bigger and she can’t hold back her laughter anymore, her soft giggle getting louder. 

“Cute,” he says and steps back, moving quickly to drop and grab a handful of snow. Before she can react, Loki drops his handful down the back of her jacket, making her squeal and twist away.

“Jerk!” she shouts, trying to get rid of as much of the cold wetness as she can. She glares at him, but it doesn’t last long because he’s grinning and she’s struck by how beautiful he is. There’s a light snow that’s catching in his hair and eyelashes and his normally pale face is flushed in the cold. He’s beautiful and her heart leaps in her chest at the realization. 

He takes advantage of her momentary distraction to launch another snowball at her. It hits her in the face and Loki lets out a bark of laughter. It’s so rare that he laughs and she feels a flutter in her belly, but she’s determined to get him back, so she pushes it to the side to evaluate later and grabs a handful of snow for herself. She launches it at him, but he’s quick, so it flies past his ear and slams into the back of Thor’s head. 

Sif let’s out a loud guffaw and dodges Thor’s retaliation which ends up hitting Frigga’s side. His mother mock glares and slowly leans down to pack her own snowball which misses Thor wildly and hits Jane in the shoulder. Soon the five of them are trying desperately to dodge snowballs that fly in all directions while also trying to make direct hits against the others. 

Loki dodges a snowball wielded by Jane and pretends to hide behind Sif, gripping her waist in his cold hands as another ball whizzes past his head. Sif attempts to dodge the same clump of snow and their feet get tangled and she ends up falling backwards into them, bringing them both to the ground. 

She’s laughing so hard she almost can’t breath and Loki’s laughter is warm against her cheek. The snow under them is slowly melting into their clothes, but Sif hasn’t had this much fun in ages, so she’s loathe to get up. She relaxes slightly against him and her grin widens as he tightens his arms around her waist. 

The five of them are breathing hard now with no winner to declare and the sun falling around them. Frigga suggests that they go in for cocoa and Thor and Jane jump at the change. They spend a few minutes dusting snow off of each other before heading inside, stomping their feet to get any excess snow off their shoes.

It doesn’t take long to make the cocoa and Sif brings Loki his in front of the fire where he’s been defrosting his fingers. They spend the evening trading stories about their childhood and Sif nearly has them in tears telling embarrassing stories about Thor. She has a few about Loki, but spares him for the evening. 

Finally, Jane yawns and stands, grabbing Thor and pretending to haul him up. It’s Christmas Eve, so they say their goodnights before everyone heads off to their respective bedrooms, exhausted from family drama and snowball fights the same. 

Sif changes into the same pajamas as the night before and watches Loki do the same. She hopes that the snowball fight and time with his family away from Odin has improved his mood. She, for one, hadn’t had that much fun in a while. 

Loki waits for her to climb into bed and then follows her, wrapping his arms around her waist and tugging her to him. She runs warmer than him and he’s always appreciated her being his own personal furnace. She tries not to flinch when his cold appendages touch her bare skin. 

“Thank you for today,” he murmurs, tucking his face into the back of her neck. 

“Yeah, no problem,” she whispers back. She wants to tell him that she’ll fight every battle for him if she needs to, but she knows that he knows. And she knows that he’s willing to let her when he needs to, but most of the time, he needs to fight them himself. 

“I appreciate you,” he says with a sigh and his breath is warm against her nape. 

Sif sighs happily as she snuggles deeper under the covers and into his arms. “I love you,” she replies and her grin matches the one that’s pressed against her neck. 

 

**5\. Slowly, the words dripping from your tongue like honey**

They wake early on Christmas Day, but Odin and Frigga have a rule that breakfast isn’t served until nine am and presents are immediately after breakfast. So when Sif is awake at 7:30, she knows they have some time to themselves before having to show their faces. 

She turns slowly in Loki’s arms and wraps her own as far around him as she can. She feels him startle awake at her movements, but he doesn’t open his eyes, just tightens his grip and presses her closer to him. Their fronts are pressed chest to chest and Loki’s skin is warm through her tanktop. 

Sif wiggles a little against him and slowly draws her leg up and over his, trying not to smirk at the hitch in his breath when their lower halves connect. His eyes are still closed, but his mouth has opened slightly as his breathing speeds up. She loves that she has this much control over him, these small movements already making him lose it. 

She shifts her hips again and presses her lips to a spot high on his chest. “Sif,” he growls out, but he tips his head back slightly and he rolls onto his back. Sif takes the opportunity to crawl on top of him, knees on either side of his hips, and presses another kiss to his chest.

He hums and Sif watches a grin spread across his face and warmth explodes in her belly, spreading to her fingers and toes. She plants her hands on his bare chest and sits up, settling over him. His long fingers trail up her bare thighs to rest on her hips and finally his eyes open. 

Sif has to catch her breath when his crystal blue gaze lands on hers. She’s always thought he was beautiful, his features striking and so unique against his family’s looks. 

She wiggles again and huffs out a laugh when his grip on her hips tightens. There's been more than one occasion where she's ended up with bruises in the shapes of his long fingers in that exact spot. 

“Don't start something you can't finish,” he growls out and looks up at her under half lidded eyes. 

“Oh, _I_ can finish,” she quips. “And if you're a good boy, I might just let you finish too.”

She grinds down against him and feels him harden against her center and tries and fails to suppress a shudder. She wants him, wants to give him this gift, show him how much she cares for him. This Christmas has been a struggle for him, she knows. He's always struggled with fitting in with his family, so she's determined to show him how he fits with her. 

She doesn't bother removing her underwear. She barely pushes Loki’s pants down far enough. She just moves her panties to the side before taking him in hand and sinking down on him. 

They both sigh as she lowers herself onto him and starts a slow and steady pace. It doesn't take either of them long, both of them aching for this as much as the other. 

She slumps against him as the last of her aftershocks shudder through her, pressing chest to chest and kissing his sweaty neck. Her whole body is rising up and down as he tries to catch his breath and goosebumps pop up on her back where he's running his fingers up and down her spine. 

Eventually, her breathing slows and she moves her head so she can see his face. He looks relaxed for the first time this weekend and something like pride blossoms within her. _She_ was able to put that look on his face, _she_ was the one that made him happiest, and _she_ was the one going home with him at the end of this trip.

She moves up slightly until her face is above his and she catches his eye. She inches closer until her lips are a fraction away from his and they're sharing the same breath. She watches his eyes flutter shut as she presses her lips to his and he sighs against her. 

They kiss for a long moment, until Sif is relaxed completely against him. “Hey,” she says and he hums in response. “I love you.” He hums again, but she can see the smirk on his face. She raises up a little more and says it again slower, interspersed with slow kisses. “I. Love. You.” 

Loki hums once more as they both fall back to sleep. 

 

**+1 Loud, so everyone can hear.**

There's a loud knock on their door at 8:30 which startles them out of their sleep. They take some time to stretch and Loki can't help but admire the picture Sif makes in her tank top and underwear, stretching against him before rolling out of bed and into the shower. He just doesn't know how he got so lucky, but he's glad that he has her. 

He stays in bed for only a moment more before following her into the bathroom with a comment about conserving water, making Sif laugh as she tosses her tank top in his face. 

They emerge washed, dressed, and sated with a few minutes to spare and head down to the dining room. Breakfast is less awkward than the day before which everyone is thankful for, but they still try to hurry through and talk about neutral topics. 

Soon, everyone is finished eating and heads into the living room. The tree they had decorated stands tall and proud and the whole family is sat around it. Loki finds a seat near his mother and Sif settles onto his lap with a grin and a Happy Christmas for everyone. 

Thor, like he does every year, starts passing out everyone's gifts, walking in circles to drop off presents to their recipients. Once everyone has their gifts, they start opening, Thor and Jane ripping wrapping paper off like children, large grins on their faces. Odin and Frigga are a little more subdued, but still make no effort to be neat about it. Sif is the same, but Loki takes a little more time with his. 

He’s pleased to find a pair of leather gloves and a deep green cashmere scarf from Frigga, Odin’s name written small below Frigga’s on the card. Thor and Jane give him and Sif a joint gift card to the local housewares store, which Loki is fine with because he knows Sif wants to get new towels. 

He finally gets to the gift from Sif, a large rectangular box with a simple bow around it. He carefully unwraps it and finds a nice wooden box under the paper. He unwraps it completely and moves it so he can look at it. The wood is a dark cherry and smooth as silk. Sif has moved so she’s not on his lap, but still pressed against him and he can feel her gaze on him as he unlatches the case.

“Oh.” It’s a simple exhalation, a quiet word in the chatter of his family and Sif grins. “Sif,” he starts, his heart in his throat. He runs his fingers over the items in the case and the noises in the room fall away. 

Lined up in neat rows are bottles of paint, tubes of acrylics, bunches of brushes, and the nicest set of charcoals he’s ever owned. It’s the exact set of art supplies he’d admired in the art store months ago and he’s blown away by the fact that she remembered. 

Loki still hasn’t said anything besides Sif’s name, but after a moment he carefully sets the case on the floor besides his seat, turning to Sif slowly. “Sif,” he says again and his gaze flicks down to his gift again. 

“I love you.”

He says it kind of loud, like he forgot they were in front of his family. And he says it fast, like he can’t wait to finish the short sentence. 

But he says it with such sincerity and conviction that that feeling she’d had two weeks ago, that warmth beneath her breastbone, is back in full force, and her grin just gets wider. “Loki-” she starts, but he cuts her off.

“I love you,” he says again and kisses her hard, one large hand buried in her hair. “I love you,” he says once more.

“Okay,” she replies, hands pressed against his face. “Just remember who said it first.” 

 

_Love isn’t rapid heartbeats_  
And weak knees  
It’s safety  
You feel secure  
Your heart feels at home  
And that’s what I feel with you 

**Author's Note:**

> some of my inspiration (basically, posts i had open while writing lol):
> 
>  
> 
> [one](http://www.poemsandwords.com/post/154545463837/book-of-the-week-warrior-of-the-light-by-paulo)  
> [two](http://psychoticgirl.tumblr.com/post/149350888406/phobs-heh-anon-proposed-to-draw-lokisif-so)  
> [three](http://swordhandandsilvertongue.tumblr.com/post/104354977854/its-not-monday-have-some-marriage-stuff)  
> [four](http://swordhandandsilvertongue.tumblr.com/post/85442351504/backtograce-genebeanbelcher-all-i-truly-want)  
> [five](http://trash-by-vouge.tumblr.com/post/132858041745/the-way-you-said-i-love-you)
> 
>  
> 
> none of those are my tumblr HAHA


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